Well, That's New
by Valtil
Summary: Zombies? In Superjail? In the future? Well, he'd seen and thought worse things...
1. Chapter 1

All right, let's get this over with.

**Disclaimer: **The characters and all that doesn't belong to me, it belongs to Augenblick Studios. I'm just responsible for conceiving and writing this strange, horrible abomination.

Have fun.

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{.chapter o1.}

there is no way that this could've happened-

_Sunday, December 7th, 2025; the day on which the army returned_

"Warden, _wake up_."

I let out an irritated sound as the other prodded me. What time was it? It had to be four or five in the morning, judging from how out of it I felt. I'd been aware of the other getting up and leaving our room to do something _{hell if I knew what}_, but what did he need _me_ for? "What the hell do you _want_...?"

"The army's back," the Future Warden replied quickly, already getting off of the bed. "Jared. Ah. I was going to contact him, and you probably will want to hear what I do."

It took me a moment to really register what he was saying, let alone _how_ he was saying it - he was far too energetic for this time of day. However, once it finally clicked, I slowly glanced over at him, a bit annoyed. "Couldn't you just relay the information back? When I'll be more likely to listen?"

The other laughed at this. "You _never_ listen to me, Warden." Then, just as quickly as his laughter had come, it disappeared, replaced by the usual calmness he seemed to carry about him. "Seriously, though. Come on. Get up."

I sighed, reluctantly getting out of bed, and the other waited for a few minutes, albeit impatiently, but soon enough, we had left the room, and the other promptly got out the pager and did just as he'd told me.

Jared responded almost immediately. _Damn! _"Ah, sir. What is it?"

"I heard the soldiers were back. How was the battle?"

"It was..." Jared paused, apparently trying to find the right word, which was quickly found. "...too easy."

"Oh? What happened? Who died?" The Future asked in quick succession, sounding a little too perky about this to me.

"A few of our soldiers died, but the entire rebellion army died. We... still don't know why, but their tactics were... different as well."

"Really? The whole army? They're usually more competent than that."

"But sir, they weren't using weapons. They were _biting_ and tearing throu-"

Before the sniper could finish his sentence, the Future Warden sighed, shaking his head. "Tsk, tsk. Such a shame..."

I raised an eyebrow. "They sound like they've gone insane," I remarked in a somewhat confused tone of voice, nudging the other as I attempted to take the pager from the older Warden. "Tearing through what, exactly?"

While the other held the pager away from me so I couldn't steal it, Jared replied, "The armor. Most of them weren't successful, but that was mainly how our men were killed."

"Huh. Interesting..." The Future Warden looked pensive, eyes staring out into space for a few seconds as he thought before glancing back at me pointedly. "I wonder _why_."

When I understood what the other meant, I instantly responded. "Wha- no! Hell no!" I yelled, flinching away from him defensively. "I am _not_ risking my life for you, and not because the rebels are acting strangely!"

"Heh, it was just a thought." He glanced back at the pager. "And thanks for the information. You may go now, Jared." Once the pager went black, he slipped it into who-knows-where, shrugging. "Mm, not that it really matters. If anything, it probably was nothing. Maybe they all just... lost it."

"But the whole army?" I questioned, but by that point, the other had turned around with a shrug. Likely off to check on the soldiers. I shook my head, deciding that my argument was probably futile by this point. "Never mind..." Maybe he was right for once - maybe it was nothing.

~.x.~

_Sunday, December 14th, 2025; the day on which something seemed a bit off_

I slipped into the room after checking the halls for anyone that might have been watching me.

Sure, I knew that the Future Warden wouldn't complain about me looking at any and all of the reports he'd gotten, because he had told me himself, but... well, there was still a sense of confidentiality I picked up on, and I wasn't going to do anything stupid.

So here was the rundown, reports not included - I hadn't read over them quite yet, seeing as I just got into the room. The week was... well... slow, so far as that went. Future and I talked, we decided that we shouldn't do anything rash, at least not until we knew what exactly was going on. We'd piece everything together, and _then_ we'd make the plans. I was fine with the plan, especially since I helped come up with it.

...my _mind_ hurts.

...anyway. I quietly closed the door, walking over to a few file cabinets, opening one of them _{I can't remember which one, and it wasn't very important anyhow}_, fingering through the files and papers until I found a file labeled 'Epidemic', along with a few other ones regarding the battle - 11/30/25. Pulling these two folders out, I sat down on the floor beside it, opening the battle reports first, looking at those.

There wasn't anything actually interesting. Well, then I looked at the last report.

'Rebels seemed weak. All of them died within two hours. Attacking soldiers attacked by scratching and biting; seemed feral. Definitely... interesting.'

_And that's putting it __**lightly**__,_ I thought about responding before sighing. It... kind of reminded me of zombies, or something. The thought didn't actually cross my mind until a bit later - when I actually bothered to think about it, I mean.

I went through the papers in the epidemic folder next.

'**Diagnosis:** undecided; still needs testing.

**Symptoms:**

Overall, most soldiers have come in reporting malaise, fever, nausea, occasional vomiting, and fatigue. Other symptoms include unusually severe pain around the area surrounding the injury, usually a bite mark.

**Notes:**

All afflicted soldiers were in the battle on 11/30/25.

Illness does not appear to be contagious.'

I raised one eyebrow. _Interesting..._ Well, at least the reports and what Jared had said however long ago coincided, where the rebels were concerned, and then my own observations... yeah. _I should probably hold onto these papers._

Closing the file cabinet while holding the folders, I left the room. The situation didn't seem very bad yet - from what I'd been able the tell, the soldiers were fine, aside from being sick, and it didn't seem to be anything serious yet. Even so, I decided it'd be worth holding onto, just in case.

~.x.~

_Sunday, December 21st, 2025; the day on which the soldiers changed for the worse_

I looked up when I heard someone running in a panicked manner.

It was the Future Warden, to my surprise, rushing away from the area that we kept the soldiers in, looking a bit frantic, but not terrified. I furrowed my eyebrows as he got closer before skidding to a stop in front of me. "The soldiers! They got worse!" He panted, glancing behind him.

"Got worse... _how_?" I asked, cautious about this.

The other shook his head, fidgeting with his hands. "Hell if I know! How to explain, I mean. Just... just..." He threw his hands into the air, frustrated. "Shut up, quit asking me questions, and come see!"

...that sounded like the worst idea _I'd_ ever heard. And it was, too, at any rate.

I was about to open my mouth to tell him that 'no, there was no way that I was going to come with you', but the other didn't really seem to care, grabbing my wrist and yanking me towards him before running back in the direction that he'd come from.

Apparently I didn't have any choice in the matter! How fan-_fucking_-tastic.

At least we didn't have to run very far.

We slowed to a stop _{well, more appropriately __**skidded**__, but}_, and the Future Warden leaned forward, pointing downwards into the large room. My eyes followed his, and I... well... I was appropriately shocked.

The soldiers. They really _had_ gotten worse.

It was more... accentuated, I guess I should say, now that they weren't wearing the armor. Their flesh was rotting away, and they seemed to have lost rational thought. They were moaning, groaning, shuffling around _{while the stronger looking soldiers could actually walk in a kind of normal manner}_, and at first it just seemed...

...I don't even know what it seemed like. At first they seemed calm enough, but that was before one of the 'infected' soldiers lunged for one of the 'normals'.

My eyes widened and I jerked back, grimacing as I heard a scream. _Holy __**hell**__...!_ I shook my head frantically, trying to put my mind off of the soldiers below. It reminded me a bit too much of a certain situation, but I couldn't place what...

...but even if _I_ didn't know, my subconscious did, as I immediately went into 'holy shit this is bad' mode.

"I-it..." I didn't notice the other looking at me, evidently perplexed. "T-this can't really be happening...!"

_{.end of chapter o1.}_

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For those of you who care enough to know; this story is kind of just for the hell of it while I think about TTPT. -shrugs- That is all.

Plus. I swear I will stop changing the title now. I should've decided it beforehand, but... still.


	2. Chapter 2

{.chapter o2.}

-but it all turned into one big giant clusterfuck anyway

_Sunday, December 21st, 2025; shit shit shit!_

After glancing back at my trembling form, the Future Warden walked closer to me, taking my arm - and for once, in a gentle manner, but at the time, I hadn't even noticed that he had done so. "Come on," he said, leading me away from the courtyard. "Follow me."

"O-okay," I stammered, recognizing that I didn't really have much of a choice in the matter, and it honestly didn't mean very much to me. At least he recognized that I was nearly muscles-locking-up terrified.

He led me down a hall and into a small room, one of the few that had not been almost decimated by rebellion troops _{we'd been attacked a few weeks before we launched one on them, you know}_, but the enclosed space did little to ease my fears. But apparently my mind hadn't realized that we weren't around near the soldiers anymore, as the Future Warden shook me slightly. "Warden? Warden! Damn it, calm the hell down!"

I flinched before glancing at him, still feeling a bit edgy, but the shaking had brought me back. "W-what? What is it?" Great. My mind had went completely blank.

"What the _hell_ was-" the Future Warden started to snap before shaking his head, calming down himself. "...never mind. Are you okay?"

Pursing my lips, I nodded. "Uh, yeah. Yes. I'm fine. Something just... freaked me out, is all. I-I... ah..." The sense of panic returned again, but I managed to pull myself together before anything happened.

The older me looked skeptic. "You had a panic attack. There's a big difference, Warden." He sighed. "Look, is there something you know that I don't?"

"K-know about what?"

"The disease the soldiers caught. Something seems off and I..." He realized that he must've been coming at me from the wrong angle again, and he immediately rephrased his question. "Do you know anything about this disease?"

...and, even despite him trying to remain nice and calm when talking to me, I couldn't calm down. "I-I have no idea!" It was also pretty clear that I wasn't going to calm down enough to answer his questions. The Future Warden recognized this, thankfully.

"Come on, Warden. Let's go and let you get a hold of yourself..." He had started to say, gently gripping my shoulder and probably hoping that I wouldn't freak out on him, but all of that was before his pager buzzed. He was about to snap something when Jared could be heard speaking.

"Sir, the soldiers are getting worse and trying to infect the healthier soldiers." At this news, the Future Warden curiously pulled out the pager, looking at the screen. Jared was nowhere to be seen, but we _did_ see the scene playing out - the zombified soldiers were chasing down and tackling the other soldiers, gnawing and clawing on them, but a few of the zombies were shot down expertly - Jared must have had his sniper rifle with him. "I'd _suggest_ taking some form of action soon..."

"Acknowledged," the Future Warden replied, "But I'm afraid I can't do much when I don't know anything."

There was silence, and then I stammered, "We could put them into quarantine until we k-know..."

He glanced back at me, surprised, which was evidenced through his slightly widened eyes and raised eyebrows. "Yeaaah... you know, that could work, actually..."

Quickly, I acted to shoot down my own idea. "My only concern is how we would do it..."

"Well, I wouldn't do it."

"You are _not_ sending me down there. No way in hell!"

He blinked. "I... wasn't even planning on it this time. I've got some robot soldiers that I could order to herd them."

"Sir?"

"Mm?"

"Please come to a decision soon."

"Right." He glanced back at me as the screen on his pager went black, one eyebrow raised now. "Soo... quarantine them, you say?" I nodded, and he smiled slightly, mirroring my nod. "Warden, I think that's the best idea I've ever heard from you."

I had no idea if he was praising me or mocking me, so I just muttered loud enough for him to hear, "Well, _somebody_ had to come up with it." Before he could say anything in response, I left the room.

~.x.~

He came back to our quarters a few hours after that little... ah, 'incident'. I had been reading over the diagnosis sheets on the 'new' disease again, and quite frankly, I had not been expecting any visitors at the time. This was... kind of _very_ obvious when I heard the door open... well, no, actually, wait. That wasn't what freaked me out. It was actually more the intruders voice. "Hey, Warden?"

...one could say that I overreacted. I jumped, accidentally cutting my arm with the paper _{don't ask}_, and as I grabbed the papers - which had been sent flying into the air - I glared at the person at the door. Who happened to be Future Warden. Pretty much immediately thereafter, I laughed nervously, my glare gone _{for the most part}_. "Oh. Future Warden. Hi." I gave him a half-hearted smile in greeting _{now that I think about it, it might have been a grimace}_ before turning my attention back to the papers. "What's up?"

"Do you know _anything_ about the disease?" The Future Warden asked, apparently deciding to skip all the small talk to get to the matter, and I glanced over at him, frowning. "Anything at all?"

"I already told you, I don't know. That being said, I was panicking the last time you asked me, so..." Now it was my turn to look thoughtful. "...wait."

"What?"

"It came from Superjail! In the safe!" No idea how I came up with that, but what the _hell_ ever. While I looked as if I had just had an epiphany _{oh, wait, I guess I actually __**did**__}_, the Future Warden just raised an eyebrow, leaning against the doorway.

"...what safe?" Or, in Future-Warden-speak, 'come again?'. This had been asked after a few more seconds had passed - yeah, he was confused.

And I wasn't at _all_ helping. I was looking at him like as if he were the idiot. "You know... the safe! With the... uhm, the stuff!" _How very eloquent,_ I believe I said to myself, but my excuse was that I couldn't remember what all was in that safe. At any rate, the other still had no clue as to what I was babbling on about.

By now, the Future Warden had started to give up, slipping his hand behind his amber-lensed glasses and covering his eyes. "Warden, could you be _any_ more specific?"

"Uhhhh... no. But I swear there's a safe in Superjail."

"And you didn't tell me this before now... _why_?"

"I didn't remember at the time, Future. It's kinda hard to say what you don't remember."

"Well, saying that you didn't remember would've helped."

"Well, _meh_," I replied, folding my arms across my chest, staring at the other. "I don't have as good a memory as you, and given you, I don't think that's saying a whole hell of a lot."

The Future Warden just sighed, frowning. "I keep you on a need-to-know basis, Warden. I'm not forgetful." When I didn't look convinced, he snapped, "Look, I'm not!"

Before anything else could be said, however, the pager buzzed for the second time that day _{at least when I was around}_, and the Future Warden whipped it out once more, face unimpressed. "You know, Jared, I've got a new title for you - Bringer of Bad News. How's that sound?" When his short lackey didn't reply, he continued on, "What is it?"

Jared was still quiet for a few moments before he cleared his throat. "_Anyway_, sir. That quarantine idea isn't working. More soldiers have been infected, and trying again is probably going to end the same way."

The Future Warden frowned. "Well, I'm sure that if we had been a little more careful - or discriminating, whatever - this wouldn't have happened. Not that I'm blaming you, Jared." He sighed as well, folding his arms across his chest, tapping his side with vaguely impatient fingers. "I guess we'll have to evacuate." I tilted my head with a 'wait-what' sort of sudden movement, one eyebrow raising. That seemed rather rash, even for him. Hell, even for _me_, if you so wanted to put it that way. "But where to...?"

But I was going to take my chance anyway as it was offered to me. "Superjail. We should go to Superjail."

And apparently, Jared could hear me. "Superjail, sir? Returning there would be dangerous!"

"Aaaand...?"

"I agree that it could be dangerous," the Future Warden cut in, interrupting Jared for the moment. "We haven't been keeping close tabs on it like we should have, so we have no idea if Superjail's even occupied by the rebellion or not. And I don't want to take chances like this..."

"...and what is in Superjail that could possibly be of use to us now?" Well, at least Jared wasn't a scared pu- wait, what?

The Future Warden glanced at me with a quirked eyebrow, and I stared at him with the firm and stubborn look he usually gave me when he had an idea on which he was not going to bend. And while he was still staring at me... "Damn it, I know what I'm doing! I'm not a complete idiot. We need to get to Superjail, because I know the damn cure is in there."

Everything was pretty silent after my outburst, and the Future Warden glanced back at the pager, shrugging. If only I knew what Jared was doing on the other side of that screen. After a moment, the older Warden was whispering into his pager, and after a few seconds, maybe a minute or two, he nodded. "If you think the cure's in there-" _I __**know**__ the cure's in there._ "-then I'll go. _We'll_ go." He frowned in more of a thoughtful manner this time. "Jared, how's the situation down there?"

Without even a second thought, Jared responded, "It doesn't look 'good', as you would put it. Alice and I are... trapped. By the time you could get us out, we would probably be dead, instead."

The Future Warden just blinked, grimacing slightly. "...and I sent Jailbot off to who knows where. Oookay. That leaves you all out." He glanced at me. "Jared, don't die. Same goes for Alice. A lot." Afterwards, he gestured for me to stand up, so I did. Didn't have much else to do. "And... good luck?" Off went the pager. "Let's go. I'll grab an aircraft."

Needless to say, I was stunned, staring at him. Had he actually listened to me? Like as if I had a legitimately good idea? Well, then he had left the room while I was still standing there in a state of catatonic shock.

"Come on, Warden! I'll leave without you if I have to!"

I shook my head, running to catch up to him. Never mind that thought.

_{.end of chapter o2.}_

-your Warden

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So... I don't think it's as good as the last chapter. Ah well...


End file.
